Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
