Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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