I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
