I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
