Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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