She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
