Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
