He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
