Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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