You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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