totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
