you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
