I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
