Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
