I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
