Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
