hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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