You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
