atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
