It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
