Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
