You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
