i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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