i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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