I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
