If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
