she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
