I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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