wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
