I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
