i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
