these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
