just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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