Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
