I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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