Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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