i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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