it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
