I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
