"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
