I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
