You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
