You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
