We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
