walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
