im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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