So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
