Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
