...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
