So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
